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Serving The Discworld Community Since 1997


This Who's Who was originally featured in Issue 22 - February 1999

This month fellow reader Thomas Moore bedwyn@email.msn.com tries his hand at writing a Who's Who about HEX.

Hex is a ten-tonne magical instrument that is extremely unpopular with Senior Wizards, making the younger apprentices even more proud of their achievement. Hex was designed to deal with magical problems, such as mixing together five hundred spells to create a meta-spell of some sort. However this initially failed and Hex could only manage sums with pieces of cheese! Ponder Stibbons, one of Hex's creators, considers himself to be the only sane wizard, and Hex to be his glorifying moment in History. Stibbons cares greatly for Hex and often feeds him cheese or honey.

As time has gone on, Hex has acquired the uncanny ability to answer questions before they have been asked,

The only original piece of Hex is an Unreal Time Clock, the rest having suspiciously appeared overnight. Some things, like the ram's head which adorns the top of Hex, were added after the item was specifically requested by the mechanism. The majority of Hex is a large ant farm that allows Hex to think; without this and the FTB (Fluffy Teddy Bear) Hex will not operate. There are also a wind speed measurer, some small unknown religious symbols, a quill pen, an aquarium (to keep bored wizards occupied) and wind chimes. No-one knows what any of these supposedly integral parts of Hex do, although the quill pen is used for answering vital questions. Hex is operated by a Great Big Lever which many wizards find overly amusing...

Hex has been asked many questions concerning Discworld philosophy, particularly the question "Why?" This was answered with "Because" followed by an "Out of Cheese Error", a common occurrence with Hex. As time has gone on, Hex has acquired the uncanny ability to answer questions before they have been asked, causing much pain to Archchancellor Ridcully. Hex has been the only known 'thing' to defeat the Bursar in a talking competition, however this inevitably led to the machine going quite mad and becoming passionate friends with a melon and Mr Jelly. Hex was cured with Dried Frog Pills and, in its last outing, was able to help solve the Hogfather problem.